How we finally got rid of pacifiers with the dummy fairy
My first daughter was completely dependent on my breast to fall asleep for…more than 2 years. So after my second was born, I wanted to breastfeed again BUT avoid ending up being my child’s comforter at all costs. With that in mind, I introduced a dummy very early on.
Falling asleep independently became easy, her naps and night stretches got longer. It also helped me with figuring out when she was truly hungry and enabled to space out the feeds to every 3/4 hours or so (rather than whenever she was crying). I was able build up a good milk supply and was definitely more rested throughout my second maternity leave.
From the start, the rule was that the dummy would stay in her bed at all times and to be only used for sleep (naps and bedtime). When she turned one, she even joined nursery full time Monday to Friday without taking her dummy with her (and as such was falling asleep without it during the day for naps!).
Then « terrible twos » happened and it became increasingly difficult to enforce the « dummy only in bed » rule without resulting tantrums and screaming. We ended up letting her have it in the evenings when coming back from nursery, when she needed to be comforted as well as at home during weekends (but never outside of the house).
At the same time, I was not entirely aligned with this decision and became increasingly frustrated with seeing her running around the house with a pacifier in her mouth! This is when I started thinking about possible options to get rid of it. Continue reading below👇
This is what we have tried:
Gradual destruction - FAIL
In theory: this is about cutting the dummy piece by piece, until it’s no longer desirable for toddlers to suck on them and it’s their choice to discard it. You would start by piercing a hole in the end of the dummy, then a few days later you would cut the top, then a little bit more etc.
In practice: she was a bit over 2 when we tried this. She indeed started loosing some interest for it and was able to fall asleep without it for a while. But I would not say she ever deliberately chose to “discard it” on her own - she just kept asking for a new one!
She then started waking up several times at night screaming. looking for her dummy.
How it ended for us: you can guess…1 month later, we were exhausted, sleep deprived and decided it was not worth the pain and lack of sleep. We backtracked and gave the dummy back (yes yes…) and decided we would try again when she is a little older.
2. Dummy fairy - SUCCESS
If you type « recommended age to get rid of the dummy » on Google, all experts and dentists seem to agree that you should not go past the age of 3 with a dummy to avoid negative long term repercussions on teeth and language. We decided this was our next milestone and that there was no going back this time. In the meantime, I had friends (@Blandine and @Thibault if you read this, thank you!) mention the dummy fairy and how well and easily it had worked for their daughter.
In theory : the night of her 3rd birthday, the dummy fairy comes to collect her dummy and leaves a note and gift. You prepare your child by talking about the dummy fairy in advance, showing books and pictures.
In practice: 12/09 came, I was stressed out and started doubting this strategy, which almost seemed too silly and easy! Mathilde also had just started school a week prior - would this be too harsh, too much at once for her?
Before bedtime, I had her leave the dummy in a little pot and put it on our doorstep (outside of our flat). With that I did a little pep talk, reiterating again the fairy would come during the night and collect it to give it to a small baby.
She went to bed, telling me she wanted her dummy back straight away, that she found it very hard. I stayed next to her, acknowledged all these big feelings, softly reassuring her. She fell asleep quickly and did not wake up during the night. First step accomplished!
Later that evening, I installed a gift (cashier toy) on our doorstep, with the personalised letter that you can see on the left.
In the morning, she woke up very excited to see what the fairy had left, and we read the letter together. She started telling everyone about the dummy fairy and you could see she was very proud.
The 2-3 bedtimes following, and once or twice after coming back from school, she asked about the dummy again; she wanted another one and was feeling sad. I acknowledged how difficult it while staying firm and reiterating she was all grown up now.
This is how we succeeded at getting rid of the dummy altogether, and despite the logistics involved, it would say it was fairly easy!
I would note this method only seems to work when your child is at least 2.5y and can understand the concept. Also beware of not replacing the dummy by a new sleep association such as going into bed with them/ holding their hand until they fall asleep as you will risk becoming their new prop.
If you would like a free copy of the dummy fairy letter that I created, enter your email below and I would be happy to send it to you.
Do you find difficult to stop the dummy for your own child? Have you tried any of the above, or maybe just going cold turkey? Share in the comments below 👇